I have a question mark in my mind about how my condition is going to be called in Germany, where I apparently am going to spend quite a lot of time from now on since I am about to marry a German. An immigrant, accidental expat or simply a foreigner? Hopefully the Germans have a clear cut definition for this situation as well.
Having travelled several times to Germany thanks to my work (rather than as an import bride), I cannot say that this country is totally foreign to me – although it remains as enigmatic as the first time. In the country of engineering wonders, supacars and neat trottoirs, one always has the deja vu feeling, no matter in which town in Germany. Especially after six oclock. Having been asked several times for it by the owner of this blog, I will try to write about a few observations concerning Germany and Germans. No offense here :O)
Getting there: Not too hard, but the German bureaucracy is simply not good for ya. Especially if you need getting a visa. I usually prepare a thick bundle of papers and documents every time I apply for a business visa. I wonder if a pale dude in the embassy really spends time reading them all, but if he does, the German Embassy probably knows more about me than my own State. How much money I have in my bank accounts, what I own here and there. Whether my company evades tax or not. My parents, my grandparents and where they were born. Whether I have been previously misbehaving with laws or not. Everything translated, certified, duly notarized.
Apparently getting there by a family union is not any harder if not easy, however you must face petitesses like “it is of course helpful if you bring your skype logs, wedding photos and all material that helps you prove that, your marriage is genuine”. Apparently the embassy takes precautions against arranged marriages, however I wonder what sort of a felony you should commit in Germany, in order to submit your mail password and chatlogs to the authorities. Other things asked: your husband’s shoe size, color of the walls in your prospective domicile, name of your prospective neighbours. Nah. If ethnic Germans were asked such questions for residence or citizenship, Austria would have to build a wall at the border.
Food and accomodation: The German cuisine comprises of rather rustic foods, such as the well renowned wurst, sorts of potatoes ( you can have it baked, as greasy chips or posh fries, or as Knödel which is a sort of dumpling, if you are creative enough), cabbages and other cold climate vegetables. Meat quality is not superior, but it works well with delicatessen. A beer house is the best place to taste old gold stuff, but international restaurants are available eveywhere, although the food there is pretty much assimilated to German taste. If you are a water afficinado, beware: it is impossible to find non-salty water there. You might be shell shocked to read on some bottles an inscription like: low sodium. Really!?
The German household usually sports a variety of domiciles, from a little two rooms appartment to country cottages. Prices and rents of housing vary a lot from region to region, and from city to city. You are free to negotiate your rent as warm or cold, which means including heating or not. Another aspect is that when an extra person moves in, the rent has to increase a little bit. Germans are usually attached to their homes and like cozy, homelike atmoshperes. Gardens are always well cared, and garden gnomes are not an urban legend. Family dads usually spend their sundays greasing and shining their cars. It looks like a popular sport over there. Which brings me to the next topic...
Driving around: I have learned with great surprise (with a negative connotation) that my driving license is not valid after six months of residence. Because it doesnt have an expiry date. If you have such a problem, you can present yourself to the authorities with your current license (translated, certified) and take a practical exam for a german license. The practical exam does not include drawing donuts on the asphalt with a bmw, although it could be stylish. The German traffic is absolutely orderly and robot-like subordination to rules is essential. In the long run, this is only safe and stress free but perhaps a bit boring for adrenaline freaks.
Cars are the cheapest things in Germany on the condition that you buy a German car. The State is a friend of yours when you are about to buy a car, but it starts hurting when you pay a tax for it. Tax is calculated by some calculus with the variables of age, combustion style, emission (depends heavily on the engine size). It is still much cheaper to keep a car in Germany than in my home country. And gas is still cheaper. A nice feature for making a good deal is to check out the Jahreswagen sites, where brand new but a bit used cars are sold at derisory prices. You might need a health check on the car, but good service facilities are available everywhere and if you have a few German friends, gathering up a delegate of car experts is not too hard.
The German Psyche: Germans are difficult people. Coined and hammered by a nineteenth century Romantism, the German is still much affected certain aspects of it. In the pursuit of unhappiness, it is not very hard to find the German complaining about a certain condition and yearning for another. Germans are avid travellers who “never get there”. Because a German is always busy thinking and pondering about important issues, it is not very easy to start a small talk. Most often they will think its useless chit chat. Knowledge and high culture are valued among germans, so if you have a bit of it, just show it. Bildung is another great German creation, and it has a meaning like education, or perhaps cultivation, but not exactly. The German likes to be cultivated and has simply no time for superficial stuff, z.B., I met my fiance by the help of a tirade in Latin and a response, and not by a simple can opener like weahter talk. An average German reads a lot, has some knowledge about what’s going on in the world and likes to experience a variety of different things. Although the German looks rather stiff and unfriendly from the outside, the reality is that he has other preoccupations. The Germans might have developed a certain angst for some reason, and it results in lack of self confidence. If nobody talks to you, the reason is highly likely because the German is afraid of his language levels, or if you are in a pub and no one lights your cigarette probably it is because they think it is rather gross. The German character is like a gourd flower that is really hard to open up, and with the mere faux pas it is ready to close and go back to its cocoon. Germans claim that they make good friends in the long run, but I did not have the chance so far to have a german friend for so long. Angst, or worry is the main motive in the German psyche, and it shapes up the economy, social life and even behaviors towards foreigners. At the end of the day, the German is just a confused soul just like many of us.
